Tag: jacob anderson-minshall

When Sinclair Sexsmith — a butch nonbinary feminist dom, and author of the award-winning sex blog Sugarbutch Chronicles — got married last year, it wasn’t to the kind of person Sexsmith had always imagined committing to. That’s because Sexsmith (who uses they/them pronouns) had been “femme-oriented” for most of their adult life, preferring queer femmes and having “a fetish for feminine accoutrements.”

Then Sexsmith met Rife, a trans/genderqueer “boi” in the BDSM community. “We met at a kinky summer camp, and we decided to have a scene together and play …. the chemistry was unmistakable. What first drew my attention was the combination of his submission and his boldness. He could sense my dominance … as I could sense his submission, and it was intoxicating.”

The top acknowledges that Rife was “definitely not my orientation, yet what he provides in our D/s [Dominant and submissive] and M/s [Master and slave] relationship is profound and what I’d been searching for.” The couple developed a “total power exchange” or a 24/7 master and slave relationship. “M/s and full ownership was something we’d both been seeking, somewhat unconsciously. It was incredibly clear to me that this is my path when I met Rife and we started going deep into power exchange.”

Sexsmith says while their own identity hasn’t changed (“I identify as a queer butch, and that’s still very true”), other people have had a different reaction. “I have had some folks express disappointment toward me,” acknowledges Sexsmith. “Particularly femme folks who perceive a shortage of butches who like femmes and a rise in gay trans men or butches being attracted to other butches — both of which I believe are myths, but those are hard things to prove. The hardest part has been not being seen as someone who loves and respects femmes, and being presumed to have always been into other masculine-of-center queers.”

Sex Outside the Lines on The Advocate